May We Listen
May has become a month of farewells for me. My mother-in-law was buried in May. My daddy passed away in May. Our sons finished high school in May signifying that they were men and would be leaving the nest. Now in May, our older son leaves for two months in China. So there is an irony that May is also Melanoma Awareness Month. Because we came close to a different kind of farewell to our oldest son.
In November of his freshman year of college, I decided that he should get a skin check by the dermatologist. We had met our high deductible that year thanks to my sinus surgery, and he has a number of moles. So why not? It was almost a throw away thought, but I followed up, and made the appointment. After all, we could always go out for lunch afterwards or better yet (in his mind, anyway) hit up Best Buy. And it would be free. High deductible plan...met.
So when he was home for Christmas break, off we went to the dermatologist office. Much to my delight, the physician assistant was originally from China. He and our oldest son had a small conversation in Chinese which swelled my heart to listen to, even though I understood exactly nothing of what they said. But our son always declines to speak in Chinese so I can hear him, even when I point out that we're paying for the privilege, tuition and all that, ya know. Still I thought nothing of the biopsy on one mole. I mean, the kid was 19. He needs acne medication more then anything, right?
Within just a couple of days the dermatologist office is calling. But it's Christmas break, and we are on the go so I miss the first call. I think nothing of it. I mean, they are just calling to say it was clear, right? We're busy. I mean to return the call, but we had stuff to do, and places to go, presents to buy so a day goes by, and they call again. I miss the call. Oh, well. It's almost five. No one will answer at their office at this time of day. I'll call in the morning. We settle down to watch a movie. The phone rings again. Caller ID shows it's the dermatologist office again - calling US at five PM. I tell my husband to hit pause, and let me answer. They must want to tell me before they go on break. I remember feeling my heart hit the floor, that feeling of coldness that takes over your body as you listen to words you don't want to hear. 'We need your son to come in right away. Can he be here at 9 tomorrow morning? The report shows the mole needs to be removed immediately. It is at the last stage before becoming a melanoma.'
Now, I'm much more well versed in accounting and financial terms then in medical ones. Melanoma? Is that the common skin cancer, not the big deal one? Google is both a friend, and a curse. No sleep that night. My baby....what could they possibly mean? It must be an overly cautious employee who called.
At 9 the next morning (probably closer to 8:30) we present ourselves. Our son has a chunk of his upper arm removed, stitches in, and I am given prescriptions, and instructions. I also surreptitiously took a picture of his chart. I wanted to see exactly what it said. Though I had already heard the following: 'good thing you made this appointment', 'quite serious', 'always wear sunscreen', 'skin checks every six months if the margins are clear from this next lab report'....I show the picture of the report to two close friends who are medical professionals, and also two of the kindest women I know. The looks on their faces told me what I needed to know. I will never ignore my instinct again, and I am thankful I didn't ignore it this time.
Now I've struggled with this result even though we were incredibly lucky. Call it survivor's guilt, but I am still not sure why we were lucky and other parents have not been. Where did the thought to do that come from? Was it a God moment? If so, why were we blessed and others are not? I spend too much time thinking. But I can assure you, I have spent an equal amount of time praying in gratitude. Had I not taken him, when would he have gone? And how far along would it have progressed?
And remember that point about having met our deductible? Turned out we had not met it. My calculations were wrong. What is interesting is that this is probably the only time I have been wrong about a detail like that. I mean, I'm an accountant. I keep up with stuff like that. But I was wrong, and never happier to pay. Because would I have made the appointment if I hadn't thought we had met our deductible?
Our son just finished his sophomore year. He has had skin checks every six months without fail. Every skin check has looked good. We are almost at the point where we will be released to once a year skin checks. But understand this - he has never been a sun worshipper. Except for marching band camp in the summer, he has not been a kid who spent hours, and hours in the sun. He doesn't care for the beach or the pool. And he was only 19. Get a skin check. Use sunscreen. Don't assume youth is a free pass. Don't assume your child will not have an issue. I worshipped the sun. Baby oil, and tanning beds. I have never had an issue, and I get my skin check faithfully every year. We never know.
So be aware. Watch the sun. Enjoy it, but be wise. And always, always listen to your instinct, your inner voice, your God moment if you will. Because never a day goes by that I am not grateful that I did.
I've had a number of friends, and family ask if I am worried to be sending our son to China for two months. Of course, I am. But I don't feel as frightened as I did in that room waiting for the anesthesia to take effect with scalpels ready to carve into my child. He is a man, and he is kind, and his mother will be praying every day. Just as I already do. And my instinct says to trust that this is his path. May I listen to that inner voice each day.
In November of his freshman year of college, I decided that he should get a skin check by the dermatologist. We had met our high deductible that year thanks to my sinus surgery, and he has a number of moles. So why not? It was almost a throw away thought, but I followed up, and made the appointment. After all, we could always go out for lunch afterwards or better yet (in his mind, anyway) hit up Best Buy. And it would be free. High deductible plan...met.
So when he was home for Christmas break, off we went to the dermatologist office. Much to my delight, the physician assistant was originally from China. He and our oldest son had a small conversation in Chinese which swelled my heart to listen to, even though I understood exactly nothing of what they said. But our son always declines to speak in Chinese so I can hear him, even when I point out that we're paying for the privilege, tuition and all that, ya know. Still I thought nothing of the biopsy on one mole. I mean, the kid was 19. He needs acne medication more then anything, right?
Within just a couple of days the dermatologist office is calling. But it's Christmas break, and we are on the go so I miss the first call. I think nothing of it. I mean, they are just calling to say it was clear, right? We're busy. I mean to return the call, but we had stuff to do, and places to go, presents to buy so a day goes by, and they call again. I miss the call. Oh, well. It's almost five. No one will answer at their office at this time of day. I'll call in the morning. We settle down to watch a movie. The phone rings again. Caller ID shows it's the dermatologist office again - calling US at five PM. I tell my husband to hit pause, and let me answer. They must want to tell me before they go on break. I remember feeling my heart hit the floor, that feeling of coldness that takes over your body as you listen to words you don't want to hear. 'We need your son to come in right away. Can he be here at 9 tomorrow morning? The report shows the mole needs to be removed immediately. It is at the last stage before becoming a melanoma.'
Now, I'm much more well versed in accounting and financial terms then in medical ones. Melanoma? Is that the common skin cancer, not the big deal one? Google is both a friend, and a curse. No sleep that night. My baby....what could they possibly mean? It must be an overly cautious employee who called.
At 9 the next morning (probably closer to 8:30) we present ourselves. Our son has a chunk of his upper arm removed, stitches in, and I am given prescriptions, and instructions. I also surreptitiously took a picture of his chart. I wanted to see exactly what it said. Though I had already heard the following: 'good thing you made this appointment', 'quite serious', 'always wear sunscreen', 'skin checks every six months if the margins are clear from this next lab report'....I show the picture of the report to two close friends who are medical professionals, and also two of the kindest women I know. The looks on their faces told me what I needed to know. I will never ignore my instinct again, and I am thankful I didn't ignore it this time.
Now I've struggled with this result even though we were incredibly lucky. Call it survivor's guilt, but I am still not sure why we were lucky and other parents have not been. Where did the thought to do that come from? Was it a God moment? If so, why were we blessed and others are not? I spend too much time thinking. But I can assure you, I have spent an equal amount of time praying in gratitude. Had I not taken him, when would he have gone? And how far along would it have progressed?
And remember that point about having met our deductible? Turned out we had not met it. My calculations were wrong. What is interesting is that this is probably the only time I have been wrong about a detail like that. I mean, I'm an accountant. I keep up with stuff like that. But I was wrong, and never happier to pay. Because would I have made the appointment if I hadn't thought we had met our deductible?
Our son just finished his sophomore year. He has had skin checks every six months without fail. Every skin check has looked good. We are almost at the point where we will be released to once a year skin checks. But understand this - he has never been a sun worshipper. Except for marching band camp in the summer, he has not been a kid who spent hours, and hours in the sun. He doesn't care for the beach or the pool. And he was only 19. Get a skin check. Use sunscreen. Don't assume youth is a free pass. Don't assume your child will not have an issue. I worshipped the sun. Baby oil, and tanning beds. I have never had an issue, and I get my skin check faithfully every year. We never know.
So be aware. Watch the sun. Enjoy it, but be wise. And always, always listen to your instinct, your inner voice, your God moment if you will. Because never a day goes by that I am not grateful that I did.
I've had a number of friends, and family ask if I am worried to be sending our son to China for two months. Of course, I am. But I don't feel as frightened as I did in that room waiting for the anesthesia to take effect with scalpels ready to carve into my child. He is a man, and he is kind, and his mother will be praying every day. Just as I already do. And my instinct says to trust that this is his path. May I listen to that inner voice each day.
Skin cancer comes in three forms: Basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma, and melanoma. While basal cell carcinoma is the most common type of skin cancer, melanoma is the most serious type of skin cancer because it is the most likely to spread to the lymph nodes and other organs.
Lifting a prayer of gratitude that all is well. I lost a friend to melanoma 10 years ago, she was a fair skinned, red headed Irish descendant that totally avoided the sun. It only took a little over a year from discovery to her passing. I have finally at this ripe age started using sunscreen on my face and wearing a hat but they say most of the damage is done by the time we are 18 .... there was a lot of childhood outdoor fun and youthful sun worshipping in those years.
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