A Farewell to the Royal Motherhood of the PTO
And it's a wrap - well, almost a wrap. One awards ceremony, and one commencement left to go and I can move on from the secondary school system portion of the motherhood program. Truly this has not been me at my best. Maybe not always at my worst, but definitely not at my best. I am not someone who enjoys large crowds or gatherings except at college football games. And when you think college football games you should think about this - the crowds are usually large enough that you are anonymous in a crowd. But at school events, no such luck. School events are where you get to see the Royal Motherhood, the Queen Bees, the Perfection of the Hairdo, the GOOD MOMS. AND THEY ALWAYS SEE YOU COMING. Seriously, it's like they have radar or something. Maybe they are activated by the whiff of desperation and anxiety coming from my armpits, I don't know, but it's like I would turn a corner, and there it was, that condescending smirk of disapproval wrapped up in a smile. Think Cheshire Cat with much better hair and a much better tan plus accessories. As bad as that was, it was worse when I was written off and the disapproval was so rampant that they would turn from me - at the school, at the grocery store, at the FREAKING ORTHODONTIST OFFICE. Oh, yeah. Fun times.
That trailer for the new movie, "Bad Moms", yeah, totally going to see that one!
"Can you_____________? Why, of course you can. We need___________. It must be no later then_______. It must meet the following guidelines. Do not let us down. I told so and so that I would call you, and of course you would help. It's very important to your child that you __________. Uh, sure we can go to lunch sometime. I'll call you." Just as you hear all of this and more you feel the chill in the air while realizing it's still only August, and they turn from you and discuss their mom's night out - WITHOUT INVITING YOU. Not that they have to invite me, but how about not throwing it in my face that I'm not invited. How about that? And those lunch dates I so wanted - yep, that never happened either.
I've often wondered if the State Department is not squandering our natural resources. There is no one more manipulative, and cunning when it comes to getting their bidding done then the Royal Motherhood. I mean, set these women up to negotiate, and entire nations would capitulate. God knows I did many times. I've done my share of volunteer work and I know well how hard it is to get someone to help. So hat's off to anyone who tries, and this does include the Royal Motherhood. Though all of us could learn to ask in a softer, less demanding way, and accepting the word "NO" graciously is an art form sadly lacking.
I would repeat conversations or the lack of conversations to my husband. The man is an excellent devil's advocate. Always sure that I did not see, hear nor experience it exactly the way I described. Right up until he saw it with his own eyes. Yep, then he knew I was not quite the drama queen whiner or at least I was his drama queen whiner, and the "good moms" were not his drama queen whiners so if he was gonna take a side in this, he knew which side he should take. Wise man.
If I were to list what I WILL NOT MISS as we move on to the college years, it would include the "good moms", and the car line, and school projects. I have sucked at this. First and foremost, I'm an introvert. I suck at small talk, I don't know how to do a positive two minute intro of myself, and I've been too quick to wear my anxiety, and heartache on my sleeve. Plus, I didn't have the advantage of having been pretty and popular in my teens and carrying that confidence into adulthood. So confronted by the grown up versions of my teenage years nemeses, I folded like a flat sheet. One benefit though - all the derision, condescension, disdain - these were great words for our sons to hear from my mouth before taking the SAT.
But let me say thank you as I close out this portion of motherhood. Thank you for helping me learn to say no. We experienced the loss of several loved ones through these years. I came to what I call the deathbed conclusion - unless you are someone I expect or want to see at my death bed - I OWE YOU NO EXPLANATION FOR MY NO. And those SAT verbal scores our sons got - awesomeness. Plus we had many conversations about how to treat others. Compassion and empathy are important to me, just as not smoking is also important. Yep, got that covered. I can even count our older son's outstanding college roommate as a result of all of this. See every time y'all walked away leaving me standing there twisting in the wind, feeling all the awkwardness of a 12 year old girl, it made me more determined to not raise children who would treat someone that way. Recently I found out from our older son's roommate's mom that when the roommate transferred to the school in seventh grade, it was our kid who went up to him and included him. Our super quiet, introverted kid had listened to me when I said, many times, to never leave someone out. They are great friends, and great roommates in college.
So thank you for that, and thank you for trying to do stuff for the schools. But maybe, just maybe, the next time you meet the awkward mom who doesn't smoothly fit into a conversation, you could try the following SAT verbal words - compassion, sympathy, empathy. Try to avoid the following ones - renunciation, abhor, abasement, blatant, and haughtiness.
They say writing is cathartic, so here goes. I never mentioned a name, not even an initial. I suspect no one will recognize her own self. We tend to think we aren't the problem, though the names nor initials of the names were not used since it would be a good thing to not get sued by their precious butts just as we put two kids in college at one time.
Let me close though by this - if you are still in the throes of this, don't make my mistakes. The women who don't like you will still not like you even if you help them. So don't try. Only do what you can do. They are not your friends, and you don't need them to be. You will find good friends. I did. The good friends will be your lifesavers. Best of all, the good friends will be your laughter partners, your sanity measurement, and they will still be there after graduation. Those are the women you want. Good luck. I'll be at the "Bad Moms" movie with my girlfriends.
That trailer for the new movie, "Bad Moms", yeah, totally going to see that one!
"Can you_____________? Why, of course you can. We need___________. It must be no later then_______. It must meet the following guidelines. Do not let us down. I told so and so that I would call you, and of course you would help. It's very important to your child that you __________. Uh, sure we can go to lunch sometime. I'll call you." Just as you hear all of this and more you feel the chill in the air while realizing it's still only August, and they turn from you and discuss their mom's night out - WITHOUT INVITING YOU. Not that they have to invite me, but how about not throwing it in my face that I'm not invited. How about that? And those lunch dates I so wanted - yep, that never happened either.
I've often wondered if the State Department is not squandering our natural resources. There is no one more manipulative, and cunning when it comes to getting their bidding done then the Royal Motherhood. I mean, set these women up to negotiate, and entire nations would capitulate. God knows I did many times. I've done my share of volunteer work and I know well how hard it is to get someone to help. So hat's off to anyone who tries, and this does include the Royal Motherhood. Though all of us could learn to ask in a softer, less demanding way, and accepting the word "NO" graciously is an art form sadly lacking.
I would repeat conversations or the lack of conversations to my husband. The man is an excellent devil's advocate. Always sure that I did not see, hear nor experience it exactly the way I described. Right up until he saw it with his own eyes. Yep, then he knew I was not quite the drama queen whiner or at least I was his drama queen whiner, and the "good moms" were not his drama queen whiners so if he was gonna take a side in this, he knew which side he should take. Wise man.
If I were to list what I WILL NOT MISS as we move on to the college years, it would include the "good moms", and the car line, and school projects. I have sucked at this. First and foremost, I'm an introvert. I suck at small talk, I don't know how to do a positive two minute intro of myself, and I've been too quick to wear my anxiety, and heartache on my sleeve. Plus, I didn't have the advantage of having been pretty and popular in my teens and carrying that confidence into adulthood. So confronted by the grown up versions of my teenage years nemeses, I folded like a flat sheet. One benefit though - all the derision, condescension, disdain - these were great words for our sons to hear from my mouth before taking the SAT.
But let me say thank you as I close out this portion of motherhood. Thank you for helping me learn to say no. We experienced the loss of several loved ones through these years. I came to what I call the deathbed conclusion - unless you are someone I expect or want to see at my death bed - I OWE YOU NO EXPLANATION FOR MY NO. And those SAT verbal scores our sons got - awesomeness. Plus we had many conversations about how to treat others. Compassion and empathy are important to me, just as not smoking is also important. Yep, got that covered. I can even count our older son's outstanding college roommate as a result of all of this. See every time y'all walked away leaving me standing there twisting in the wind, feeling all the awkwardness of a 12 year old girl, it made me more determined to not raise children who would treat someone that way. Recently I found out from our older son's roommate's mom that when the roommate transferred to the school in seventh grade, it was our kid who went up to him and included him. Our super quiet, introverted kid had listened to me when I said, many times, to never leave someone out. They are great friends, and great roommates in college.
So thank you for that, and thank you for trying to do stuff for the schools. But maybe, just maybe, the next time you meet the awkward mom who doesn't smoothly fit into a conversation, you could try the following SAT verbal words - compassion, sympathy, empathy. Try to avoid the following ones - renunciation, abhor, abasement, blatant, and haughtiness.
They say writing is cathartic, so here goes. I never mentioned a name, not even an initial. I suspect no one will recognize her own self. We tend to think we aren't the problem, though the names nor initials of the names were not used since it would be a good thing to not get sued by their precious butts just as we put two kids in college at one time.
Let me close though by this - if you are still in the throes of this, don't make my mistakes. The women who don't like you will still not like you even if you help them. So don't try. Only do what you can do. They are not your friends, and you don't need them to be. You will find good friends. I did. The good friends will be your lifesavers. Best of all, the good friends will be your laughter partners, your sanity measurement, and they will still be there after graduation. Those are the women you want. Good luck. I'll be at the "Bad Moms" movie with my girlfriends.
Comments
Post a Comment
Thank you so much for visiting, and commenting! We really appreciate it, we really do. We publish comments as soon as we are assured that you are not a robot or a spammer - in other words, low lifes need not apply.