Miracles Walk

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"There goes my miracle. Walking away." There Goes My Miracle, Bruce Springsteen

Six words, and Bruce Springsteen captured my world.  

I always wanted to be a mother. No, strike that. I always wanted to be a Momma. Being a mother isn't hard. You give birth. Being a Momma. Very hard.

 I wanted children. I wanted the love, the hope, the hugs, the dirt, the work, the chaos. I thought it would never happen for me. People are quick to tell you what your reality will be. People are wrong. Your reality is a combination of your hopes, your dreams, your work, and your prayers with a miracle or three thrown in. What your reality isn't is the words others use about you.

Our sons are 21, and 22. They are headed off for their last full semester of college (fingers crossed, and more prayers). Children are walking away from you from the moment they are born. When older women told me it went by so fast, I couldn't see their reality for mine. Mine was clouded with diapers, and sleep deprivation, and too many demands and expectations making me feel like I was in an episode of Star Trek that should be titled - The Mom who Explodes in the Transporter. While poor Scotty exclaimed that nothing more could be done, because it really felt like nothing more could get done. But parents find a way in the chaos, and the coffee to get done what needs doing.

"Look what you've done
"Look what we've done

"Heartache, heartbreak
"Love gives, love takes." There Goes My Miracle, Bruce Springsteen

 Bruce gets it.

 "Come a little piece of the Lord's undying light
 Crying like he swallowed the fiery moon
 In his mother's arms it was all the beauty I could take
 Like the missing words to some prayer that I could never make
 Oh, in a world so hard and dirty so fouled and confused
 Searching for a little bit of God's mercy
 I found living proof"  Living Proof by Bruce Springsteen


The world is mean today. But it always has been. I'm sending my miracles into the world. I have done my best to make them good enough for the world. The world has not reciprocated. Every day horror and words happen. But there go my miracles. Walking away. And I wouldn't change that.

Comments

  1. Ivy BrooksAugust 19, 2019 at 3:07 PM

    How do you put all of my feelings in a few little words that mean so much. Thanks for sharing. Hugs as you give your boys away . Best wishes to them as they venture off into LIFE

    ReplyDelete

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