Stuck In The Middle With Me

By Mary Alford-Carman -

The struggle is real. I swear, if I make a joke about my size, I’m body shaming myself. If I don’t lose weight, I’m not healthy and I apparently don’t care about myself. Can somebody give me a flipping break? I look at it this way, if I’m fine at using laughter because it’s cool with me, what the heck is your problem? As long as I can bend over and not pass out, why do some have a problem with my side-to-side visage? I am not wider than my height, I am not on a reality show about my however many pound life, and I’m not the biggest loser. Believe me when I say we are all our own worst critics and I don’t need anyone else adding to my own criticism, or criticising me about my criticisms.

I made a comment after a photo was taken, laughingly asking if the shot got all my chins in, and what happened next was an unexpected moment in purgatory. I was backed into a wall and told that I wasn’t funny,  I needed to stop being so down on myself, that it was a shame that I thought of myself so poorly, and, that I shouldn’t complain and bring that kind of negative attention to myself.  Well thank you Ms. Feel-good. To say that I was taken aback at the situation was an understatement extraordinaire. Actually, I was hurt. I hadn’t commented about anyone else but myself and the other ladies in the group chuckled and made their own comments. “Did my nose cast too much of a shadow on the others?” “Were my cancles (where there is no discernable separation, due to gravity, between your calves and ankles), showing?” Lord have mercy on those who have a sense of humor. We might just offend someone.

Quite frankly, nowadays it seems as if everyone is offended. We even get offended at the other person’s offendedness. Are we so thin skinned that we can’t live and let live? In the hair salon, just last month, the hairdresser asked her client if she wanted her hair cut to chin length, the client responded with “Which chin?” I laughed with her. Most women get it, we all struggle with something.

The honest truth is I’m getting older, gravity exists, and life goes on. I crack up at myself. Dexterity and agility do fade with age unless you keep in practice. (See exercise, no I’m not doing it.)  I keep up with my children, and there is a lot of love in my life, so if someone doesn’t get humor, tough flapping under arms. The lady in question, who criticized me for making a joke about myself, doesn’t realize that she made me cry. Sometimes that happens, something comes at you from nowhere that really isn’t kind, and jerks a knot in you. It’s not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, not even close, but it sent me for a loop in that moment.

What she didn’t get, is that while I am really okay with the facts of who I am, the next day, I would still be me regardless of her comments. She may have had one too many libations, maybe she was genuinely concerned, but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. My chins, family, situations, state of my house, makeup, eyebrows or thighs are mine to laugh over, to love over and to share humor about. Maybe that’s naïve, but it works for me, and no one else has gone screaming away in disgust or fear because of my humor at this point in time. Believe me, my children will tell me if I’ve crossed a line. Ya know what I’m saying? So with that, let chins waggle, and may the farce be with you.

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